Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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