My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
