I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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