I skipped work to stalk him.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
