Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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