There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
