My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
