Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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