My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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