it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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