Life is so much better after having sex.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
