Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
