Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
