Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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