Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
