Whod you bang
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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