He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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