Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just google imaged poop.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Boobs are out for the taking
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
