K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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