he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
