It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
