my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
