yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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