either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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