i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
