I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
