i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
