Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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