The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
