he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
