i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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