Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
