Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
