Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
