Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I need to wash the frat house off of me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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