I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
