Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
