I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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