Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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