Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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