I didn't shave. On purpose
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
