There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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