I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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