I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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