I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
