I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
