Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
