I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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