We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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