Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
