Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just gift wrapped bread.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
