its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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